I remember the day clearly. I thought I was crazy. I was mad at my parents. But more so, I was mad at myself. I was diagnosed at nine with a moderate case of Nonverbal Learning Disorder (NLD), as well as anxiety, and depressive symptoms in relation to the learning disorder.
I have had hosts of therapy since I was in Kindergarten. I saw the occupational therapist twice a week and the physical therapist twice a week. I saw the speech therapist in attempts to fix my irregular speech pattern, and I went to counseling in attempts to help me cope with the NLD. But this was different. I was going to a new doctor - one that I have never seen before. She asked me weird questions like if I ever though of hurting myself.
You see, my symptoms started getting worse. I was talking back to my teachers, and I was having verbal outbursts towards my family. I can see now that I am older, that I was not a pleasant person to be around during that era. I was unfocused and I was completely out of whack.
After I spoke with the new doctor, she spoke with my parents and that was the day I was medicated. Even at the age of thirteen, I was aware of the stigma attached to taking medications. I didn't want to take them. I was upset. And I cried and yelled and screamed and i panicked. I thought everyone would see me as insane. Today, I am completely grateful for my parents's tough decision to put me on this medicine.
I wish I could tell myself this that day: You are smart. You are beautiful. But you are very sick. Mental illness is a true illness. If you had a headache, you would take medicine, right? Your parents are acting in your best interest, and this is going to really help you.
You're going to have tons of bumps in the road, but you'll make it kid. You'll graduate college with honors. You'll get a job, and you will strongly consider graduate school so you can help other kids like you. You do things people did not expect you to ever do and make everyone proud. You have the best friends in the world, and you will meet a special guy who don't think you're crazy at all. They all see you for the wonderful person that you are and even though you take that medicine, they love you for who you are.
Most importantly, you will love who you have become and wouldn't change it for the world.
