My Life Needs A Tune-Up

It's been about two months since I've last updated and it hasn't been without cause. I have been trying to deal with some things, and more importantly, trying to figure out how to internally cope with them.

As you know, I graduated in May. I thought I was coping with it well, but it turns out I really wasn't. The first couple weeks were good - I was all ready and on top of everything. I was happy to be joining the workforce. Two month later, I have developed a whole different attitude towards it and it's scary to me. Optimistic, happy, gung-ho Julia turned into cynical, pessimistic, anxious/depressed Julia.

My job coach is absolutely horrible. She does not understand me, despite me telling her what I need and what I need to do to cope. She gives me horrible job leads and she's extremely unorganized and not on top of things. Part of it is my inflexibility, but more of it's her just not getting it. Honestly, at this point I could do her job about 10 times better than her. This situation has been extremely wearing on me. It's making me feel like I don't have any support when I need it. (I know the no support thing is far from the truth, though. I have so many people on my side and who are pushing for me. I feel so grateful for them, but sometimes it's nice to have a professional opinion that you can value).

I "just" feel irritable, upset, angry, and I feel like shutting down. I've been getting in arguments with my parents, who have just been trying to help. I apologize to them, but I need to calm down and start getting along with them again. However, I have yet to give up. I've taken a few days off of my life and just relaxed. I'm starting to get stress headaches at this point, and I need to stop getting them. Right now, I'm just happy with the minimum work that needs to be done and that's so not me. I typically go above and beyond what I need to do.

I need to change my attitude and I need to change it fast. I need to stop being anxious. I need to stop being depressed. I need to start implementing a plan. I'm hoping after a week of cruising the Caribbean, I will be relaxed and rejuvenated and that I can change my attitude. My life needs tune-ups, but I haven't given up. As frustrating as it is, I just can't give up. It's not in my blood.

I Did It!

I did it - I graduated college last Saturday! I couldn't be more proud of myself, and everyone around me is equally as proud of me. I made it through 18 years of schooling - through blood, sweat, and tears (well maybe not the blood part). I battled a learning disability. I battled severe anxiety. I battled social issues, and dysgraphia, and physical issues. I've accomplished more than a lot of people in my position have.



I can't believe how fast the past four years have gone by. I feel like I was just the naive, socially awkward 17 year old girl earning her high school diploma. That was a battle in itself (mostly an inner battle with my low self esteem), and I wouldn't have believed anyone if they told me I would graduate college with honors. But, I did it - I graduate college and I am SO proud of myself.

It took a lot for me to be able to say these positive things about myself. In my sophomore year of college, I decided to say "enough is enough" and tackle my issue of low self esteem. I started my very first blog - Vintage-Kissed (it is no longer up and I unfortunately lost all my hard work), but then I changed the name to Positive-365, because that was what I was aiming for. I lived by motivational quotes, I sought being fit and healthy, I learned how to better myself.

This process really kicked off after a bad break up in the summer of 2012, and I will be forever grateful for that breakup (though, I probably wouldn't have said that at that time). It forced me to go out of my comfort zone and change things in my life. I tried joining a sorority that fall (yes - a socially awkward, anxious girl confronting over 20 girls). It didn't work out (hey, my anxiety had to kick in sometime), but it taught me that I could meet people. It taught me that I had charisma, strength, and the ability to live a somewhat normal life.

In  the summer of 2013, I decided to explore the "negative" aspects of myself (which turns out isn't so negative). I was going through an extremely rough time with my anxiety and trying to cope with my NLD, so I joined some support groups via Facebook. I have met TONS of wonderful people (some of whom are my close friends now), who helped me realize that these things make me who I am. They make me a kinder person. They make me a gentler person. They give me a strong sense of empathy. And most importantly, they give me a perspective of the world that most people don't have. Overall, because of my disorders, I am a better person. With the help of a med change, and my new-found friends, I began to fully blossom into the person I am today.

Today, I am a confident, strong, independent woman. I know I have had my hardships, but ultimately, I am an awesome person, despite them. I will always keep growing and I will always find solitude in myself. I still can't believe I did it - I graduated college.

The reasons why working at home is best for me.

I decided that I want to work at home. A lot of people would consider me a "shut in," when it's far from the truth.

Though, I have mild agorophobia when my anxiety is extremely bad and untreated, I actually do enjoy going out on most days and, in fact, when school is in session, I do. I'd just prefer if my career was from home for several reasons:

1.  I don't drive, therefore commuting is a lot harder for me. I don't live in a huge city. Though we have a public transportation in my city, they're constantly making cuts. The schedules for busing aren't good and the stops aren't close together.
   
2. I HATE being constantly watched over. I'm extremely independent and self-motivated. Therefore, I don't like being constantly supervised and constantly receiving criticism.
   
3. I like creating my own environment. I like being able to play music when I work or have the TV on in the background. I also like being able to multitask and do my laundry and cook during the day.
    
4. I like being in control. I like being in control of my own schedule and working as much and as little as I want on a certain day. I meet my deadlines, but I like doing my work at my own pace. That's what it's like in college and that's why I'm succeeding so much. I'm the type to work from 11-7 or 12-8. Like I said in my last post, I'm not your typical 9-5 gal. 

Why I Totally Changed My Career Path

I am a writer. I always have been. I've always conveyed  myself the best through the written word.

I would write stories and stories and  more stories when I was a little girl. My favorite units in school were the writing units. I got excited (and still do) when it comes to written assignments. It's where I excel best. And duh, here I am blogging.

I love the combination of writing and social media. I would be lying if I said I weren't addicted to social media. I love getting my messages out to the world. I love helping people and giving people advice. I love sharing new things with people.

I am young. I am fresh. I'm modern. I'm a huge tech nerd when it comes to this type of stuff.

I'm also not your typical 9-5 sort of gal. I hate having a schedule sometimes - it feels so rigid and so stiff. I'd love to work from 11-7 or later.

I'd love a job where I can stay in my pajamas the whole day. I hate dressing up and wearing pantyhose and work pants and whatnot.

For these reasons I'd love to get my foot in the door in the content writing/social media areas of the career world.

College & Stress Of Finding a Job & Anxiety - Oh My!

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I am starting my second semester as a senior on Monday, and I will be graduating in May. This semester is going to be extra tough for me and my anxiety, seeing that I will be looking for a job after I graduate. My anxiety is highly triggered by the fear of the unknown and things changing. The combination of the two makes it hard to breathe sometimes, so I think it's the time to make what I call an "action plan." This is especially important, because a few months ago I completely changed my career path and I was going to go to grad school. I then found out that I didn't get any financial aid, so I have to save up and pay for myself. So, here is my action plan in regards to the next few months of school:

1. Find volunteer work. I have some under my belt, but I feel like the more the merrier. It gives me transferable skills, and helps me build some interpersonal skills as well as intrapersonal skills.

2. Spend time in the career center. This is important because they'll help me find volunteer work and internships and potentially jobs. They'll also help me prepare for interviews and look over cover letters and resumes. I feel like this is important, because if they say everything is good, I am sure to land a job soon after college.

3. Don't consume my brain with thoughts of not finding a job. This is hard, but I have to keep reminding myself that on average, a college graduate does not find a job for 9 months after graduation.

4. Focus on school. Sometimes, I get so consumed with outside stuff that I forget to focus on school. I am always aiming for a 4.0 (though it hasn't happened yet) and hopefully, I will make it my last semester. I'm going to have a positive attitude and I'm going to work hard.

Here's to a happy, hopefully minimal stressful, and even less anxiety provoking semester!