Understanding This All

One of my friends posted the quote below on my learning disability's page and I thought I would address my thoughts on it via a blog post: 

(Source) 

I'm a young adult and I'm still learning. I will be continuously learning as I gain new experiences and get myself into new situations. I am not admitting to know everything, but I finally have gotten to  the point where I feel like I understand myself enough to know what I want in the world. 

As little as 4 years ago, I was an awkward teenager who had little to no self-confidence. I would put myself in dangerous situations and the truth of the matter was, I didn't understand myself. I didn't know how to cope with what was going on in my head and I ended up hurting myself. A LOT.

I was an awful teenager, to my family and to myself. I would lash out on people. I didn't care about anyone but myself, and quite honestly, I still don't know how I ended up from THAT to an insightful, confident, self-motivated woman. Part of that was hormonal, but part of it was not understanding, and it all boils down to me not being able to cope. 

Fast-forward to now. I understand my illnesses. I understand how my brain works (probably more than others), and I do extremely well at coping with this. It took life-changing events a few years ago, but it happened. I just want to let people know there was hope. 

I am a strong-willed, independent, self-sufficient, career-minded woman. I do not take "no" for an answer when it comes to my life and my choices. I do everything in my power not to revert back to how I was before, even if it sometimes seems like I am. I'm trying my best and that's all that matters. I truly do understand who I am now and what is going on with my brain. Rest assured, I will always be me and if you don't like it, too bad.

I Did It!

I did it - I graduated college last Saturday! I couldn't be more proud of myself, and everyone around me is equally as proud of me. I made it through 18 years of schooling - through blood, sweat, and tears (well maybe not the blood part). I battled a learning disability. I battled severe anxiety. I battled social issues, and dysgraphia, and physical issues. I've accomplished more than a lot of people in my position have.



I can't believe how fast the past four years have gone by. I feel like I was just the naive, socially awkward 17 year old girl earning her high school diploma. That was a battle in itself (mostly an inner battle with my low self esteem), and I wouldn't have believed anyone if they told me I would graduate college with honors. But, I did it - I graduate college and I am SO proud of myself.

It took a lot for me to be able to say these positive things about myself. In my sophomore year of college, I decided to say "enough is enough" and tackle my issue of low self esteem. I started my very first blog - Vintage-Kissed (it is no longer up and I unfortunately lost all my hard work), but then I changed the name to Positive-365, because that was what I was aiming for. I lived by motivational quotes, I sought being fit and healthy, I learned how to better myself.

This process really kicked off after a bad break up in the summer of 2012, and I will be forever grateful for that breakup (though, I probably wouldn't have said that at that time). It forced me to go out of my comfort zone and change things in my life. I tried joining a sorority that fall (yes - a socially awkward, anxious girl confronting over 20 girls). It didn't work out (hey, my anxiety had to kick in sometime), but it taught me that I could meet people. It taught me that I had charisma, strength, and the ability to live a somewhat normal life.

In  the summer of 2013, I decided to explore the "negative" aspects of myself (which turns out isn't so negative). I was going through an extremely rough time with my anxiety and trying to cope with my NLD, so I joined some support groups via Facebook. I have met TONS of wonderful people (some of whom are my close friends now), who helped me realize that these things make me who I am. They make me a kinder person. They make me a gentler person. They give me a strong sense of empathy. And most importantly, they give me a perspective of the world that most people don't have. Overall, because of my disorders, I am a better person. With the help of a med change, and my new-found friends, I began to fully blossom into the person I am today.

Today, I am a confident, strong, independent woman. I know I have had my hardships, but ultimately, I am an awesome person, despite them. I will always keep growing and I will always find solitude in myself. I still can't believe I did it - I graduated college.