"How Do You Cope?"

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There's a stigma that people like me (non-neurotypical) will never  be able to cope well in a world created for neurotypicals, yet I have managed to do it that my entire life (more recently, better than I ever have). People ask me the question "How do you cope living with a learning disability and two anxiety disorders?" I have decided to answer their question with this blog post.

Needless to say, there were some rough years when I was a teenager (picture a moody teenager.  Now picture it amplified 10 times - that was me). Medication was used on me as a last resort . I am incredibility thankful that my parents put me on it, because if I weren't on it, I wouldn't have been where I am today. I am proud to say, with the help of my psych professionals, I am starting to wean off of the mood stabilizer and it has been successful thus far. I've been on a lower dose for a week on Tuesday and I feel better than I have in a long time.

It is hard living with these problems - it does take a toll on the mind, the body, and the soul. No matter how much treatment I receive, there will always be a few screws loose in my brain, and through years of therapy, support, and soul-searching, I am 100% okay with that. That is only because I learned to cope.

The first step to me learning to cope was to find my support system. Growing up I never had many friends - I have poor social skills and I am an introvert (a double whammy right there). I used to be upset in high school because I wasn't super popular, and it made me quite moody and verbally abusive to the support system I couldn't see that I had. It led me to some dangerous situations, but I learned to cope without doing these dangerous habits. It unfortunately took a huge life event to make me realize how much my family meant to me. I always knew they were proud of me, but it took me years to realize how much they truly help me and how much I could truly lean on them. Yes, we fight still - that's what family is for, but I have never felt closer to them, and this made me see that I will be okay.

The second step to me learning to cope was to start listening to people and stop doing whatever I felt was fit. I HATED going to therapy when I was younger - I hated having someone tell me what to do and giving me criticism (part of me still does). I would cry and scream whenever I had to go to therapy. As I grew older and had more of a say, I realized my therapist was not a good fit for me. I went to counseling in college for a while and joined some support groups to gain coping skills - those were invaluable to me. Then after that, I found my excellent counselor - she is so easy to talk to and she has helped me through so much. I can't help to think that if I listened earlier, what else could I have accomplished earlier on? But I know I can't dwell on the past and I am grateful on how it shaped me.

Finally, in order to cope, I had to learn to be okay with myself and that my life path may not go exactly how a 'normal' person's would go.  This was the hardest step - it took years to build up my self-esteem, but it was well worth it. I am now a strong, independent, level-headed person (well most of the time, at least) who takes initiative. I have held leadership roles and I feel like I can tackle anything that comes ahead of me. I will be fine. I will be happy. I will earn what is rightfully mine.

I still have my bad days - where the coping is hard. But I have come up with mechanisms to help me through them. I write to help me get through those days - sometimes here, and sometimes privately. I vent to people - in real life or on the internet (I have great internet friends - and I am fine with the fact I have more of those than "real life" friends). I dance, I exercise, I make lists, and I set goals to level my head once again. I may not be able to always cope perfectly, but I am making my way through life pretty well.

I Did It!

I did it - I graduated college last Saturday! I couldn't be more proud of myself, and everyone around me is equally as proud of me. I made it through 18 years of schooling - through blood, sweat, and tears (well maybe not the blood part). I battled a learning disability. I battled severe anxiety. I battled social issues, and dysgraphia, and physical issues. I've accomplished more than a lot of people in my position have.



I can't believe how fast the past four years have gone by. I feel like I was just the naive, socially awkward 17 year old girl earning her high school diploma. That was a battle in itself (mostly an inner battle with my low self esteem), and I wouldn't have believed anyone if they told me I would graduate college with honors. But, I did it - I graduate college and I am SO proud of myself.

It took a lot for me to be able to say these positive things about myself. In my sophomore year of college, I decided to say "enough is enough" and tackle my issue of low self esteem. I started my very first blog - Vintage-Kissed (it is no longer up and I unfortunately lost all my hard work), but then I changed the name to Positive-365, because that was what I was aiming for. I lived by motivational quotes, I sought being fit and healthy, I learned how to better myself.

This process really kicked off after a bad break up in the summer of 2012, and I will be forever grateful for that breakup (though, I probably wouldn't have said that at that time). It forced me to go out of my comfort zone and change things in my life. I tried joining a sorority that fall (yes - a socially awkward, anxious girl confronting over 20 girls). It didn't work out (hey, my anxiety had to kick in sometime), but it taught me that I could meet people. It taught me that I had charisma, strength, and the ability to live a somewhat normal life.

In  the summer of 2013, I decided to explore the "negative" aspects of myself (which turns out isn't so negative). I was going through an extremely rough time with my anxiety and trying to cope with my NLD, so I joined some support groups via Facebook. I have met TONS of wonderful people (some of whom are my close friends now), who helped me realize that these things make me who I am. They make me a kinder person. They make me a gentler person. They give me a strong sense of empathy. And most importantly, they give me a perspective of the world that most people don't have. Overall, because of my disorders, I am a better person. With the help of a med change, and my new-found friends, I began to fully blossom into the person I am today.

Today, I am a confident, strong, independent woman. I know I have had my hardships, but ultimately, I am an awesome person, despite them. I will always keep growing and I will always find solitude in myself. I still can't believe I did it - I graduated college.

Welcome!

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This blog has been a thought in my (very crazy, mixed up) mind for a long time and I've decided enough is enough. I want to share my story, and hopefully help or inspire someone along the way.

My name is Julia. I'm a 21 year old studying Criminal Justice and Psychology. I love fashion and all things girly. I'm always experimenting with my makeup and trying new fashion trends. I have a Pinterest addiction and get a high from doing Zumba. I enjoy baking (even if I'm not that good) and going on adventures by reading a new book. I also enjoy real adventures and traveling to new places.

I seem pretty normal, right?

Not in a million years would I label myself normal. I liked to call myself "diverse" and I've recently learned the term "neurodiverse" and that's what accurately describes me. I've always been unique since I was a young child.

I was your typical child up until I was two and a half in age. I had minor anxieties and I was reaching all my milestones at a normal age. It was a seizure that most likely changed my brain (I don't say damaged because I like who I've become and what the changes have done to me). After that, my parents noticed me doing some weird things - they just thought I was really smart. I wrote my first real word when I was three on the sidewalk with chalk (it was "hotdog" if anyone is curious) and I started reading when I was four. It wasn't until school where I was diagnosed with motor delays and social skill deficits. No one knew what this meant and my mom kept searching for answers. In the mean time, I received Occupational Therapy and Physical Therapy (OT and PT) starting in Kindergarten, then in first grade they added Speech Therapy.

It wasn't until the end of third grade where I received an actual diagnosis - Nonverbal Learning Disability (NLD or NVLD). Now that I'm older, my diagnosis fits me perfectly. It covers the motor delays (which even at this age I still have trouble with), my flat voice, my issues fitting into social situations, my trouble with abstractness, my issues with math and more. I knew I had it from a young age (I've always felt "different" ever since I can remember), but I never used it as an excuse for anything. I fought and worked hard and here I am today as a beautiful, smart, very successful individual.

In the mix of this I have anxiety disorders (they're diagnosed as "not otherwise specified" but I know for sure they're Panic Disorder, Generalized Anxiety Disorder, and mild agorophobia). I know I would probably have this even without the NLD - anxiety disorders run in my family and my personality is the same as my dad's. But I do think the NLD makes my problems with anxiety a lot more severe. Without the proper treatment, I wouldn't leave the house or even function in society.

Today, my anxiety is my biggest issue and is what holds me back the most. I fear the unknown. I panic if something changes. I think in the future. I tend to be unrealistic and irrational. But without this, I wouldn't be me.

So, I created this blog to share the struggles of my everyday life and hopefully reach out to some new people. I will post my stories, my experiences, things that help me, things that don't work. I will vent and I will post lifestyle things. I hope you follow me in my journey from this day forward.